In Your House I Long to Be

moving day

2006-09-21T07:44:00.000-07:00

i have moved to kopidingdong.livejournal.com!

see you guys there !

goodbye blogspot
u were great !

farce alert!

2006-09-17T20:27:00.000-07:00

hello,

eons have past since you last heard the rational naresh, well i must say i missed him too, no excuses would be rationalise the purges that i have put myself through the past weeks. i guess i have a ton of insecurities that i need to address in my life, and they have to address by the time i get into uni.

the other day i saw JEREMY LEE at the bus stop whilst traveling on the not so popular bus toward the hell hole i call my NS life, there was a sudden tug in my heart that asked me, did i help make people feel good about themselves, my endless cynicsim may have very well chased them away. i have in countless instances made people like jeremy feel really SHITTY about themselves, i guess inside me i wanted to feel good about myself... it sickenss me to have realised that i do that, it sickens to the core that i made the people i care most about feel utterly useless about themselves. furthermore, i realised that i was expecting from people something i was not good at the first place, i wanted them to be the friend or family i could not myself be. i hate that part of me that is egoistical and unbeleivably inward looking. it sickens me that i place so much importance in character traits that i have yet to master. Standards cannot be set until they are first met by one self, i reagret the fcat that i made people feel that way, i'm sorry that i became egoistical and i'm truly remorseful that i did not try to live to make others happy and feel good about themselves. i was selfish, myopic and childish. there are no excuese for that.

i'm blessed wth friends who are willing to work on me, friends who see me for who i am and not what i'm on the surface. i'm greateful that my mother is so selfless and yet so loving to a son who hasnt been there for her for the past three years. most of all i'm blessed that i have a second chances to make it right. all i need now is for all of you who know me to help me step by step to become a better person.

living life to be an asset.
living life to be dedicated to love.
sacrificial living. is living to the fullest.

tonight the world begins

2006-09-14T07:38:00.000-07:00

to build quality relationships and meaningful ones i must learn to BE NICE, and spend time and effort and lastly to manage expectations toward the people around me. it sould not be all about be me, but all about them and their feelings.

so iwas depressed these past weeks not knowing what life had in stalled for me, well besides the fact that my family does not know me, the fact that my FRIENDS think they know me and certian few try to diciple me. i had to escape and and find solace in my own special way, and so i venture into SADAM, and realised that there was where i wanted to be, right there, in two years time was where i would be proplled into my future.

in my life i have become acutely aware of the fact that i'm all alone in my journey through life, but i cant really be bothered about that anymore, people just dont invest that much time in me as i would in them. why must i make the first move al the time, i'm nothard up. i'm proud, i'm smart , i'm talented and i'm begining to like being alone. its quiet here, less predictable more experimental. i can be who i want and what i want to do. God has beome a figment in my life now, i feel so far from him as if i deserted him for fear i may have to commit. i cannot love, likewise love is not for a person like me. weird i may be, yet i may be the last of its kind on earth. i want to love, i want to be longed for, i want to be cherished and i want to see that surfacing toward me. i need to know. i juts need to know.

should i have no answer- i'll just be in my litle world doing my own little thing , becoming who i want to be.

i'm goingto pray now, to get the HS in my life to be longed by god and longing for god.

but in humans, i have lost all hope to communicate. because NO ONE SEES.

regards
naresh .s

2006-09-03T08:02:00.000-07:00

SLEEPING IN

2006-09-03T07:37:00.000-07:00

when you meet someone, you become friends and you have no idea that this person would become someone close to you then you would ever imagine they would ever be. when i looked into her teary eyes and disturb face, my heart went out for her, unknown to myself i have let these people become a part of me, like my family - now i cant help but care. i dont like doing it, i spend so much time building these walls to prevent love and anguish to spurn their hands of vengence upon me, only to have walls broken down.
with the collapse of these carefully designed walls and facades i placed in my life, it became apparent that i need love , i need this people, i care for these people and most of all i will love and it would hurt! would i be wounded beyond recogntion is a risk every other human like myself must take. today i saw how love is longed , in weeks time i would see how love is undeniably hurtful, in all these i would see the eternity love and the impregnible force it really is, it is beautiful in its time and alluringly hurtful at the same time. we cannot stop loving and we cannot be immune from love.
dont wake me i plan on sleeping in.
if only it were that simple.
if only sleep could stop me from feeling.
if only would be able to feel this inpregnible force.
if only there were no more "if onlies"

emotion: convulsion turn distressed turned anguish.

the kopiding and the dong!

2006-09-02T01:48:00.000-07:00

i must say that the singapore binnale was to me a successful FLOP! like hello! omgness! the freaking padang was turned into a titanic dance floor with invigorating music from the DJ dude from MOS and many other avant grade musians and all singaporeans could do was WATCH, or in one mans' case wear a dress and dance in the most unmeaningful of manners! my gang the 'decadent artists' were already getting our groove on! but missed something ... a girl or the people to dance with! in the dark corners of the padang one sad group was actaully dancing and getting on with the vibe of the whole music!whilst one guy was standing there facing the stage arms folded and observing like the founder of singapore- i mean if we wanted raffles we would look for a white GUY! EH! totally and utterly dissapointed by the level of arts in singaporeans! ( IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY - EXITS ARE LOCATED HERE , HERE and HERE.. EVERYWHERE !.. we area freaking island!... thank you for flying ASS-Q)

mood- cynical ~

BASIC

2006-08-29T07:03:00.000-07:00

I FAILED THE BASIC!

and i attribute the above success to my in escapable sense of loss after signing up for the damn test! i guess i took it too lightly and and failed to see the fact that i HAD to STUDY a little for teh test, i got too preoccpied with other things that i failed to prepare and pla for my driving aims for my NS life! it was a duly awaited wake up call, i really do appreciate the fact that KASSTER was KIND ENOUGH to tell/remind me how stupid and dumb i was to fail the damn test! i mean i dont deserve to pass it (granted), but alothoug it was another of kasster SACASTIC remarks to my "lowly being" it was vivdly reminicent of my LEE JAKE HOOI. and you know what that means! its on! ( talk is cheap) ego bruised! but for the better!

so now
1. intellectual knowledge
2. Driving
3. Rugby
4. ART DESIGN MEDIA
5.spirit
6. character

1/10 no joke! its now or never!

a short story is on its way
!

blank !

2006-08-28T04:12:00.000-07:00

blah ... not a good day ..no creativity ... ziltch ! ...

3

2006-08-24T04:05:00.000-07:00

the threats of war have been circulating around the isalnd for months now, the reality of world war three erupting on our small isalnd is not unconceivable. already the asean countries in the commonwealth have called for armament,the threat of a nuclear upheavel by the resurgent neo communist in north korea and russia have sent an ultamatum to the free states to disarm. the united states are ready for a full fledge war , the UN has sent out a bill to seize war preparations and allow diplomacy, but the reality of diplomacy in the year 2016 is now a distant reality. diplomacy has faded to let in arnarchy and fear. we who are caught in the cross fire have no idea when the first strike would begin, its a gobal genocide in the making and nothing anyone could do would help solve it.

"vietnam and cambodia to join the neo soviet and north korean governments in nuclear strike" the new paper headlines read, in the train most of the passengers have ther copy of the striats times with them peering into the pages not looking up until they arrived at their destination, in hopes that by reading the reality of war would vanish. its like anyother morning on the MRT ( like the past three months), i work at the CBD (central Business District) as an art director for a mutinational firm, and as such i have to take the subway toward raffles place, like any other day the train was crowded with the usual load of morning communters who hope to get to their desk as quickely as possible to face the challenges of a not so threatening future. that morning, the stench of death permeated the train like wildfire, i felt my heart rasing to something i cannot put my finger on, amongst the the crowd a baby's cry seemed to break through the silence of the communters and the stench of death, the sound of new life the sound of hope as i knew it made my heart thump even faster. what was this feeling? why was i feeling this way? i took out my only escape from reality, my ipod and i started to listening to my favourite techno album, somehow that didn't quite do the trick.

the train was entering the tunnel, it was then like thousand of whistles blown at the same time came a deafning sound from around the train, the sound englufed the train, the sound pierced through my ear phones which were at full blast,the sound suddenly froze everything in time and then a white light pierced through the car, and i felt the surrounding become hotter and later a ball of fire swept through the train , i however fell on the floor through out the whole incident and got kicked underseat that shielded me from the flames. the people around me screamed in pain and agony, i saw one woman whose face had melted from the fire , another man who was on fire, the baby whose cries i heard earlier now lay on the ground like a piece of charcoal motion less and she cried no more.

i somehow managed to get myself out of the wreckage and out to the open, i realise that my clothes had been torn away from my body and i had serious burn on my my face and upper body, the other survivours were in no better position then me. as we walked out and surveyed the area that used to be bishan mrt sation all we saw were rubbles and body parts all over the tracks. a huge hole the size of two SBS buses was all that was left of BISHAN MRT. above the shoopping center had collapsed and the dead bodies by the thousands lay burnt or charred on the road side. cars now became balck twisted metal. i tried using my cell phone but it died although i usually charge it before leaving the flat, what have become of my family, my friends and my life.

the war had begun.

2

2006-08-24T03:41:00.000-07:00

halfway across the world, the symbols of world dominance and capitalism crumbble in front of the world audiance, the most powerful man on earth was reading a story book to a class of elementry students. in another circumsatance this would have been a normal day, i mean who really cares if the turban claded undersexed circumcised dog flew his minions right into the heart of american ideal. but then again this would be wishful thinking. he broke every code of human conduct, every perfect human ideal and every human right ever imaginable. could he be satans' recarnate? it was war, the political mother goose now had to make arrangement and sieve through political loop holes that would allow him to fight back , he had to protect the the american way of life and he had as president a moral duty to do, besides teling stories to young kids he had political agenda to uphold afterall he is incumbant. Now if only the americans had president lindergh, if only they had an aviation hero who would overlook the jewish sufferings in eurpoe and nobally stand for anti war would it be paradise! but wait is'nt our friendly bush from the same believe circle why then bother about human sufferage under tyranical rule? the rule of tumb is " if your FUCKED THE AMERICANS, THE AMERICANS FUCKED YOU... AND ALL IN THE NAME OF FREEDOM... AND RIGHTS" thats a food for thought! no really.

anyhoo, so they bomb bagdad, killing a few thousand civilians and they sent their herors like sheep to slaughter ( it had to be done - american way of life remember ), and they killed more there. its the year 2006ad and they have yet to find the guy behind the camcorder or the "united terrorist recording studio" well i must say, it is quiet exciting that admist all these the americans still have time for the of july, elections, miss world, porn and cheeseburger. there in shanty allies of iraq young men poverished and torn from dreams and their familes, are recruited by the numbers to join the holy war. why because despit protectinig the american way of life they complicated the reality in iraq.

i forgive the CIA for not being able to find the very man they helped and trained during the gulf war, and i forgive the terrorist who planned to disintegrate ten jet liners in mid flight, you see they are merely protecting their way of life.

hey we all have dreams man!

le bon chaos de matin (1)

2006-08-23T21:40:00.000-07:00

she walks on a lonely path, the darkness undoubtably consuming the path like a hungry serpent, the light mutilated by the gore that seemed to be in oblivion. she walks deeper, not knowing what she would face, days before she remembered herself on her father's farm a carefree jewish girl, running through the fields daisies that seemed to grow in the thousands around her, she would run till she was tired and perspiring uncontralbly. lying on the vast fields of white, she saw not her future she thought not her reality and the war seemed to be a distant reality to a childs' life. today she walks in the cold dark street leading to the train station, her identity - the star of david- the farm taken away and her father together with her 4 brothers taken away on the first train. she was alone , he mothers' photo in her locket, fragile and delicately place around her neck as a child after her mother died three summers ago. "quickely!" a voice that tore throug the darkness directed the multitude she was walking with. mostly women and children and edlerly people. beside a girl younger then her was carrying her rag doll that wore a night gown and braidded hair, the girl looked up to her and smiled, the innocence that resonated from the smiles that were exchanged that night by the two girls would be the last of innocence that would surface in the war. its not everyday we wake up knowing that it would be the last day we would see the face of our loved ones, its not everday that a war that was particularly gruesome would stand at our doorsteps and set itself on fire. that day, emilia herbet roth would see the last of her family and of innocence, she began her journey along that dark path at the age of 14.

have you had freedom ripped away from you, or your morning 'make believe' tea parties reduced to morining sips of brown water from a nearby drain. the gates of her new home towered above her and the walls seem black and metallic although they were made from brinks, she saw rows and rows of trinagular roofed houses that were build for miles after miles as far as the eye could see. her eyes onced accoustomed to see the vast mountainous horizions now see the vast inescapable fotress the concentration camp truly was. she woke up the other day and her partner, the girl she shared a bed with had died. she died in her sleep, her skinny frame curled as if she was a millipeed, hey body reduced to flesh and bones the skin sucked into her skeleton, her rag doll still with its braided hair and now tattered night gown lay silent in her cold clutches. " emlia, my mama makes the best toast in all poland, my brothers and i would run home after school just to hae afternoon tea with her toast, we could smell it from the end of the street. mama and papa were planning to bring us to france this year for the holidays and back in time for the passover, Gabrielle ( refering to her rag doll) would have loved seeing the eifel tower , emilia have you seen france? they say its feeled with dressess and cloudless blue skys." days ago the girl who was once alife lay tired and weak on her bed had tears in her eyes as she tried to remember how her childhood was , how her mother's toast symbolised home and rest and how family vacations made seperation even more brutal than it already was. emilia, now saw the lifeless body of the girl who never got to see the end of childhood, the end of entrapment, but died with only one relative near her - her rag doll gabrielle- she would never smell toast nor see france nor be able to smile againl. she died too young. emilia, only could help the other children carry her out and went about their daily lives. life was too simplistic in the concentration to have time to care.

emilia never got to see the american Saviours. her farm and the fields were she spent the happiest days of her life, remained only in history. the walls became her grave. when exhaustion and malnuritian succumb a child, dreams of the future became fallacies.

SADAM and ARCHITECTURE

2006-08-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

As t

Oi you better read this

2006-08-20T05:47:00.000-07:00

Patterns- suddenly the idea of reading patterns in primary school mathematics could not be so much more important than it is today! we walk in our little gardens of life and we think its so simple , the aligned trees and the perfect crapet grass the picturesque scenery! but hey we are losing the patterns of life! the principles of life are the very DNA of society and human survival and SUcess!

it is the system of order that defines teh patteen, if we can only discover that realty can we then turn fr our own benefit! realtionships are the networks of life! we cannot live wth them, simply because they are essential to our reality as human beings as a whole. we cannot expand nor advance in life without realtionships. okay look around you people! or imagine! imagine teh people you hang around with, are you the only smart one amonong them? are you the one who can contribute meaningful conversations in tht group, if you can and if you are the only smar one in there CHANGE your group! because you are who you mix with, to a person we need to know the type of people that person is mixing with. so i urge you make the right decision in life! right relationships dont come i quatity but i the quality of realtionships they bring with them! i'm bless to have people like
TERENCE (decadent architect)
GZ(BRO!!!!)
JOEL (BRO!!!!)
JOCK (...)
SHIRIN ( fashionista)
MICHELLE (BIMBO)
BHAV*sexy naughty bitchy*
TERENCE lee(pastor tan wanna be)
KASSTER SOH (sore balls )
WENDY (drama queen )
JUN (OSAMA's BF)
who are always with me, and enouraging me, i mean you cant as for better group of friends, they are like the dream team just that they dont know each other! but hey as we go on the next level of maturity in our lives our intimacy with eachother would definately change as well this is an inevitable reality of life.unless we all take that movement together> thats a utopian reality < but everyone has dreams! but these people are self driven and they are powerful people with futures that they create themselves. in essence my friends are the renaissence people of my generation! the fighters who live life with a goal, i will never let tehm go for anything!

(digressed)
whilst relationships are in essence the networks for life- relating on the otehr hand is an art that needs to be mastered! for those whose friends do not move up with you on the next satge of life and the ones whom are still busy trying to relive bygone years - run! get away from them , they would hold you down ! as we change we change our intimacy with people. the patern of relating !

Introduction
you give limted information about yourself
the realtionship is on a courteous basis

aquaintence
its when you take the above to another level and we deal with each others' character flaws

friendship
willingnss to share some intimate things to the latter

Intimacy
we become totally vulnerable to each other , our flaws and our idosyncracies become transparent
it becomes a sort of covernent we form with each other.
when we break this bond , the relationship is essential dead!

you need to be vulnerable to the right person, we cannot have any short cuts along the stages of the realtionship , should a person attempt to move from an introdction to friendship , STOP him. you only reserve that right to the right person, not every tom dick or harry! an if you should have violated the covenent of frienship or iintimacy, be quick to admit the mistake , seek forgiveness and be quicky to issue forgiveness, because ERROR (failure to respond) CREATES DISTANCE.

dr martin luther king :" nothing is more dangerous than concious stupidity" we need knowledge.
KNOWLEDGE is POWER
KNOWLEDGE OF THE TRUTH IS GREATER POWER !
information you gain is the knowledge you receive as a person.
what happens to the information then how is relevant to us as human beingS?

another pattern arises!
information you receive = the knowldge you absorb
1 your mind turns this information intoyour belief system
2. your belief communicates to your self esteem, because what you believe your self to be you become that perosn
3. its translated into behaiour / actions
4. these then becomes habits
5. which in turn pronounces your your sucess or failure

so you get teh information that whenever you study with competition, you tend to to to badly and assuch you cannot cannot handle a challenge and you crumble under pressure. you are given the information through experience that you are a fearful and un sucessful person.
you then communicate this your self esteem that constantly replays this in your unconcious mind. your action would then mean you shy away from challenges or worst you crumble under pressure and teh idea of accepting a challenge cripples so much so that you go into a nervous breakdown. and you see it does prove that you fail during challenges, and you feed you neagtive esteem. inturn you fal in life, because you cannot handel stress nor challenges that were essetial to your sucess.you have short changed your life!

you need to target your the information and mindset and renew it or reject it ! take on new information , renew your mindset and beleive yourself! bad decsions normally happen due to bad information / limited information! but you could also have a splendid information and yet a warped mindset that would spell you inevitable failure in the long run.

we can see the patterns that govern our lives, we need to realsie them and work our selves to benefit from them! we must not become slaves but conquerors to the perils of life. make our relationships work and our sucess into reality!

2006 december

2006-08-20T04:52:00.000-07:00

anable chong, 32 year old accounting excutive
abishek kanan, 35 year old writer for a design magazine and fiction writer
elliot chan, 32 year old marketing excutive at MNC

anabel went on a business trip to hawaii, after serevra drinks and alot of dancing and flirting with a local stripper, one thing led to another and she slept with him. on a routine medical check after her arrival in songapore, she received inconculsive report that she was HIV postive. she was only 32 years old, fresh into her wellpaying job, she had a BMW, an apartment at bukit timah, a family- a dying father who is suffering from the last stages of postrate cancer, a loving mother who puts on a brave front for her family, siblings who have successful careers and a her junior college sweet heart Elliot ( who plans to propose to her soon). with everything going for her, one mistake, one night of weakness, one second of lust. all hangs by the nose of fear that threatens to choke her world, suffocating hr dreams and ambition.

as her family disowns her, the one she loves and trusts deserts her. she is left alone. alone to face her fears, alone to face her reality. she goes to work only to be kicked out of the office, when her best friend tells her boss of her situation only for her position in the office. betrayed the betrayer is left to face karma. admist all these, her father loses his battle to cancer, she is asked to come for his funeral, and cut off from the family. she sees no reason to live and decides to take her life, the grip pf fear is to strong for her.

she goes to the only place she knows cannot dispise her, the only place where fear cannot take her as hostage. the park where her father used to bring her as a young girl, the park where she had her first kiss with Elliot. just as she was about to do the act, a voice unfamilar to her , a voice with a heavy briton accent and yet soft and gentle stops her. its there at this very park that she meets , abishek. they talk and she finds out that he too made one wrong decsion in his quest for true love and now face a lifetime of regret, curse with HIV and with his life dependant on a a pill twice a day ,their friendship becomes love, she has never met a man who would be ready to listen to her, elliot stop listening after second year uni and gave so much time for her. abishek, never met a girl who would be so comfortable and sincere with him, the rest seem to want to have a part with his wealth. she falls in love again. he falls in love for the first time.

one day Elliot knocks on her door, he is a wreck without her. he proposes to her , and want her back regardless of the result of the test. and just then she get her medical results - HIV(-). her family realises their mistake, and she is offered a higher paying job at a top accounting firm.
but she remains in solitude, now she is torn between the abishek and elliot. could it be that she was really piting abishek, could it be that she has lost the love for elliot. now that she is not HIV+ what would happen to abishek, and will things ever go back the same for elliot. can things change? does it have to change.

will fear have a hold on us.
will life be the same without fear?
what is fear then.

a coming attraction

march 2007

Agape (the unconditional)

the conundrum, thus far unanswered, of achieving full employment without inflation” (Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr.).

2006-08-18T09:06:00.000-07:00

do you want to know the biggest fallacy in life is that we ar living a life that truly reflects who we are, that to me is the biggest fallacy. to politically correct to me is the sickest thing that can happen to a man, its the fustration inate in my life. people all think they know me, but do they even know what my dreams rally are, what beverages i like, how i like my food served, what kind of music i listen to, and yes do they really know the intimate things about me. i guess my nagative or my failings as an individual are easily surfaced as compared to the attributes i possess. but is there a real inclination for anyone, anyone at all to tear me open and let me become so obvious, does it only have to be God who does that. you see you onlyunderstand those you really let yourself become close to. its time i become the person i withholding from the inside, as i said the past entries bear with it or screw off. don not misunderstand, and think that i need anyone to become close to me, when i wrote that i meant, if theres is an intention to understand we then and only then that we understand!

fustration is not the only emotion one can feel when you feel traped in your personna unable to dissapoint the politically correct nature of society and family. but confusion and dejection are the the enclaves of emotions that permeate the spirit in solitude, because it is often the people you hope to get close to as friends or more, who "unknowingly" become the strangers in your life, i guess that the pathos in my life. i pride myself on the small circle of friends i have, but i think that would have to change, no longer will i prob into the lives of others. no time and I DONT CARE... i have cared enough

you know what sickens me the most, he high and mighty. they come to you and "challenge"you to better your life, to become like jesus, dont get me wrong i love Him and yes i'm all for the dicipleship thing , but i have my own way i run my life and from now on i play it my way. dont cramp my space.

there are two kind of people in theworld, the easy and the hard. the easy is not only politically correct but he takes up life with all his immense and sometimes not too immense abitions, he leads the mediocre way of life and sounds the trumpet of life to a a wrtten score. the hard, never has a score, he has no need for it, he has no trumpet, he has ambitions but people dont subscribe to it, he is too difficult for them to understand and he is often undertsood from a surface perspective, he know what he wants yet is a afraid of exile , he knows how he feels but he is afaid of being ridiculed, he has a song but theres no one to sing it with him. and he is not feeling lonely, he is just looking for people who geninely care, who would go the extra mile. have we given our all to the "hard" individuals in our lives, have we done enough to let them know that we are there for them and we are willing to a chance to prod into the lives of the mr hards ?

the mr Hards in the world most assurdly not been fully apprciated nor accepted by even the ones he loves, he is harden against and he is forgotten not beacause he is not known but because its dangerous. just too dangerous to know a HARD.

take your time and decode.
really.

so hard!

2006-08-11T21:12:00.000-07:00

please those who wanna watch it .. inivite me! i dont dare wach it alone ... i think by the time the movie is over ... no one would have realised that i would died of a heart attack! so yeah the company would actually increase the chances of someone realising it! THANKS..

on social construct

2006-08-11T21:05:00.000-07:00

H. G. Wells along with the likes of Jules Verne gave birth to the genres of science fiction and fantasy. While Verne focused on the hard science story, Wells reflected on fanciful science. They both envisioned and wrote about a terrific number of scientific advancements a century before science caught up with their speculations.
Wells predates even Hitler's death camps in The Island of Dr. Moreau as he tells the story of a mad scientist that has been banned from London and socially exiled by his peers to an uncharted island in the middle of the Pacific. Here he goes forward to carry out his appalling surgical experiments on both imported and indigenous animals with the goal of turning them into human beings.
Pendrick becomes shipwrecked and an unwitting guest, horrified at first, accepting in the interim and finally he becomes the leader of the poor creatures Moreau has altered both in brain and body.....
"If I may say it," said I, after a time. "you have saved my life"
"Chance," he answered; "just chance."
"I prefer to make my thanks to the accessible agent."
Thank no one. You had the need, and I the knowledge, and I injected and fed you much as I might have collected a specimen. I was bored, and wanted something to do. If I'd been jaded that day, or hadn't liked your face, well--; it's a curious question where you would have been now."
This damped my mood a little.
"At any rate--" I began.
It's chance, I tell you," he interrupted, "as everything is in man's life. Only the asses won't see it. Why am I here now-- an outcast from civilization--instead of being a happy man, enjoying all the pleasures of London? Simply because--eleven years ago--I lost my head for ten minutes on a foggy night."
Well's grabs far into the human psyche, even beyond the physical attributes of humans and dares to define humanity, to ask about the very existence of the creature within each of us, and inquires of the reader.....mayhap, given the right set of circumstances and the lack of civilized laws, we too could revert to the wild.
Today, organ transplants happen daily, but the year this story was published 1896, even speculating about these ideas, much less trans-species implantations, was cause enough to be exiled without question from the medical community.
The theological implications of The Island of Dr. Moreau are undeniable. The creatures worship Moreau "their creator," keep his laws as commandments and are punished if they transgress those laws. Moreau suddenly dies leaving the haplessly shipwrecked Pendick struggling uncertainly to control the lesser brained beasts by alluding that a vengeful Moreau will return if they don't continue to keep the law. He preys on their fears of being subjected to more surgery in The House of Pain......and the reader is sympathetic to his plight of unwitting compliance to Moreau's legacy.
Then Well's serves a crushing blow...all of the creatures return to the wild after the breakdown of the laws. The threat of pain isn't enough to keep the mark of the beast from creeping back in and overcoming their underlying natures and they revert. Even as Moreau 'saw' the man in all creatures, Wells shows the reader the beast in all men....he asks us to answer hard questions.....Are they our laws that keeps us civilized? Are they our civil laws that keep man in order? Would the beast that is in us , which is always seeking self-aggrandizement, overcome our higher sense of altruism if there were no laws, no leaders, or nothing worthy of our faith?...questions Wells dare to ask us and we ourselves. A fascinating read full of vivid imagery, exciting and horrifying opening up new avenues of thought challenging the reader to a difficulty and important introspections....... truly a mark of great literature.
The Island of Dr. Moreau is Well's second major classic work of fiction after The Time Machine Each of his works is fraught with philosophical questions. Clearly throughout his body of work he was a man clutched in moral conflict, and his dark pessimistic view of mankind's future makes for brilliant fiction. He imagined himself as a social architect and cautionary prophet spending the decade of the 1930's warning that humankind was posed on the brink of disaster, crusading for a new social order through his many essays on constructive sociology.
Wells died in 1946 at the age of 80 after a lifetime of writing over one hundred books, short stories and articles.

on networking

2006-08-11T20:38:00.000-07:00

in the real world (professional world at least) networking is of paramount interest, we wonder why the jizazz about networking, but i have come to accede the notion that without proper networking and links you cannot move further up in life. in other words people realtion in all the necessary areas would in turn reap economical and professional results. last night after training a feww of us ( maybe just three of us) were having a conversation of the immense need for networking. acians have founders day dinner for two very good reasons first FUNDS secondly the board of directors are accutely aware of the immense need for networking and thus have such galas for the profeessionals n the allumni to form great networks and in turn gain sufficiant funds for the school. in other words the need for networking is so great that it is manipulated to acheive economical benefits ( this stems out from my awe and jealousy toward the above school) and i think it should be the case, not only should allumni help the school the school should be a foundation toward creating strong networks!

as much as networking is immportant to an individual, making the right and good connections are equally important! we cannot expect everyone to be nice in the real world, as much as its is perfect thought it is essentially "doctor moreau's island" were man gets to play god and become dogs to our own purposes. no by this is do not mean that we becoming like birds of prey and start hunting down viable victims, we should on the hand try to become a better people person. not just for the sake of networking but also to form better realtionships that would last. our EQ should increase and our myopia should decrease, always thinking in bigger and broader perspective would in turn cause us to be better people. we should understand that although having a purely business network would be economically effective after a while it would become a marriage of convieniance and later a break up is inevitable, frienship on the hand built on trust and honesty that later becomes a network would definately be long lasting and enriching ! so how many of us can really depend on the our so called close friends, do we really know for sure if these people as nice as they are, are nt just here for the ride but are here for the long haul? can we know for sure, or should we like cain and murder our brother? are they going to be there in times of pain and anguish? are they going to hold our hands?

think about it.

2006-08-09T20:38:00.000-07:00

A THOUGHT! WE ALL HAVE ALL THOUGHTS

2006-08-09T20:12:00.000-07:00

life as i know it has been a joke all for most of the time, my parents , my past , my present and may be my future. deluded most of the time.

to think that you are actually worth somthing to anyone was my biggest mistake, in this world (at least in my case) i'm not really of worth to many people, i probably more like an infotainment booth that tends to entertain people who comes through its doors. by saying this i am not admmiting my lowly state, i'm juts becoming aware and letting reality hit me. i guess i have not let people into my life easily and i guess the hurts of the past ahve taken its toll on me and are not going to leave me.

being superficaial i felt was the simplest and easiest way to keep people at bay and not let them into my life, it worked realy well and i must say that i dont regret my situation. i dont like being politically correct in many things and i dont like keeping my thoughts inside and so i speak in code, hoping someone would finally break the code. God, mayBE the closest person i have in my life now, unknown to many i found my purpose in Him ( this is not chrsitian propaganda) but i too try to seperate him from my life. it is just hard to open up, in my case verY hard. hurting i have had many, pain i have suffered in countless facades. i find my solace in books and in the arts, they dont hurt, and i can be quiet and not explain anything to anyone. i dont see the point to anymore, but its very much easier. yes i may be a character.

i dont make it easy for anyone, and i'm sorry. all i can say is don give up on me. (to those who know me rather well ) i hope, i just hope that one day i can be understood without explaining.

on A HAPPIER NOTE!

RUGBY MATCH WITH BEDOK KNIGHTS ! THIS SATURDAY ! ITS GONNA BE AN EASY GAME! HAHAHAHAHA... BUT WE WILL PLAY HARD BALL !

41 and still kicking (hard enough?)

2006-08-08T19:37:00.000-07:00

singapore the ACCIDENTAL national as coined by many international scholars we have come a long ways since the humble imperial beginings. the generation then had many reasons to fight for natoionalism, they may have come from various lands but essentially they fell in love with the tiny island that was open to new ideas and became a breding ground for the hopes of future and identity. SHE (singapore) was not just another new colonial addition in the straits, she was the nebulus of change and potential, her "virginity" of sorts atttracted many.

from the beginings of singapore we have always been subjected to the changes in china, till today china's every move and political environment has indeed played a large role not only in our econonmical scene but in our political scene as well. so in 1911 when sun yet sen led the nationalist movement in granting china independant of her colonial masters, it came as no suprise that the chinese who lived in sinagpore as coolies quickly adopted the nationalist ideas and bagan to to water its like a seed that would become a a tree whose rrots would later crack the pavements of freedom and peace later in 1949 with the establishment of communism and the epic war between the free world and the doctrinated east. later in our hunt for an identity we clinged onto our neighbour hoping that they would give a us an identity to hold on to, but as we pleaded and degraded our selves politically, pride combined with fear inflitrated into the minds of our neighbour and soon we saw our prime minister weep on national TV. symbolic to our degerated state. when you are brought so low, the only way to survive further was to go up and work yourselve up wards, we had to be given a push so great that would cataplut us to success so great that we later would become the "red Dot" in southeast asia. The RED DOT that would provide aid in EAST TIMOR, in the aftermath of the TUSNAMIS, fight against terror- and the RED DOT that would become the forerunner in the economic arena in ASEAN.

so who are we really. A nation or a group people who would beat the odds. or are we the offsprings of one man's dream and resolution? will the next the generation have this fighting spirit or are we as the next generaton be in utter oblivion of our past and reamin comfortably nestled in our little apartments in suburbian sinagpore? SO what if LKY and his family are the dominant leaders in singapore history and political scene, no one else would have done a better job in securing a nation that is both a sucess story but also a safe haven for our children and for our families. leadership had to come form a erson not only educated, but form a person who saw and the vulerabilities sinagpore had and the thin fine line between peace and anarchy , a person who had his belief challenge -a spirit strong enough to face up the rest of teh civilised world to be a voice for a nation that physically insignificant and without any natural attributes. And yet we walk with our immense sense of morality and pride and argue that we are in an autocratic dogmatic and doctrinated country held captives by LKY and gang. we have no idea what we really saying, we become so devoid of our reality so ignorant of our past and ungreatful of our present. and so we adopt the WESTERN debate of freedom and VOICE in hopes that we would be seen to be politically and an internationally acceptable community.

wake up and smell the coffee!

hmm starbucks!

eh

2006-08-07T05:14:00.000-07:00

i'm tired

and i need to know soomething!

till tml then .

LONE

2006-08-04T23:53:00.000-07:00

Lonliness, the greatest epidemic the civillised and modern world faces in society today. what realy is this lonliness, what is this epidemic and why do NS MEN suffer from it? WHY?

lonliness is the outcome of a person without a directional purpose, when a man is filled with a purpose in his life there is no room from lonliness to enter, it is the initial indication of emotional, psychological and physical flaws we have as human being. our purpose consumes us ( and no i'm not trying to rewrite teh "purpose driven life"and make it big) and when consume us we become entralled by the immense potential it would bring with it, the potential of greatness , of change and or reality. we then become immune to the faiings of this wolrd that are ever present. do not mistake purpose to be anti social, that another entry for another another, but it's about knowing where you are going -knowing your strenghts, weakness and mistakes. its about you embracing your being ! ( going flower power now)

my classmate told me that he felt lonely and wanted a relationship, in fact thats wat many of us ( nsmen always would find easier to do, we think we could escape our reality by pre occuying ourselves with realtionships that would suit our needs. it is only in retrospect that we realise that this need is a cancer in our bodies and we become too sick to deal with it, by then it would be too late.

do not mistake a realtionship to be one that resolves lonliness, in mst cases it could propell further lonliness, we can be amongst people and be lonely. in fact be ashamed! relationships are not about the U but the WE , if you cant handle that - you're a sad case

to find your purpose you will have to search yourself, if you cant find it.. go find it.. give it time... dont rush it.. in the mean time make it your purpose to find your purpose!

and yeah heres a little note:

1. i do not poke fun at others to hurt necessarily, i have done any i'm truly sorry. but you do not have the right to to insult me, expecially after when you have said that " people are always going to criticise you, and they cannot accept you and therefore make fun of you" and you go ahead and do the exact same thing the others have done! i think if you wanna place me under liablity for anything go ahead, and no i dont have doulble standards and i don not think its okay if i get angry at others when i i do the same . but think abot your words and actions and sounding all so high and mighty about is good and! i hope you alter the notes to your music!

2. i'm truly sorry to TT for hurling the word idiot and Moron at ya! you are one of my closest frens and i should say that you are in the league of my trusted frens! i hope you like my blog!

till tML (AHHH i 'm on duty lah !!! in HTA till sunday then )!!!!!!!!

Passion

2006-08-02T08:48:00.000-07:00

What really is passion, to many it is the beating inside the beating of a heart, to others it is life, and to many others it is a fade. What is my passion then? what do i really live for and who do i really want to answer to? these questions are questions i beleive we ahould ask ourselves at this junture of our lives, they bring the paramount question to our lives and allows us to shape and mould our adult lives for Sucess as how one would define it to be.

i used to think my passion for was airplanes and to fly them round the world, those afternoons i would spend at the veranda of my bunglow suspending my model plane in mid air pretending i was its captian and it was flying from Heathrow to sinagpore or from some other metropolitan city in the world. but i guess the words of my parents and those round me propelled me to to accept the fact that i wont be a pilot with four eyes, and the fact that they made mathematics become a determining factor for the furition of my dream. it made me hate maths, i guessthe thought of a mere academic subject deciding the outcome of my life and dreams crushed my young spirit even before it explored the possiblity of of passion becoming reality. that to me is reality, the pathos of my life, i have let many people decide my life and who i really am, i have let societial models of manhood, responsibility, academics and individual seep into my life in oblivion and ignornace that crippled me and cause me to contantly tread on safe and stable ground that promised a given destination an equated reality that really should not have been for me. do i want to carry this on, 20 years on? NO, i think, control and balance is the key in retaining the passion in my life and surfacing the individual in me.

you see, our passions are inevitably a reflections of who we are and and who we really wnat to be. passions i beleive gives us dreams, and dreams entrall our beings cheering us on to reachfor it and later transfiguring itself as our destination and our desired reality. so why not, why not i be who i want to be so long i dont kill still or sin against anyone or God for that fact. let me just be who i really am, its time i stood up for myself, its time i make a stand. the reality of my life is that no matter what i do, nor what i say nor how well i do it- i;m never going to be good enough- a good enough friend, a good enough son, brother, lover, designer, artist, flim maker or sports man. so long if i know i have done what i coudl do and i did it with style and character, i will keep on doing it my way and with excellence! because i'm tired living for peoples' praise or acceptance! ( its going to be hard and challenging) i did say iwant to change myself, and this is the leap of faith , a responsibilty that i would have to burden.

i comment about looks! yes i do ! and i love it, i love the person but hey if you cant dress well it just says alot bout you and your character and the way you see life as a whole. you can be at the bottom of the valley and still look your best, because you knwo that life is going to get better and dressing to mourn is not going to make you happy let alone those around you. the way you present yourself, the way you dress, you manerism and your colour sense tells alot bout yourself. they way you want to feel bout yourself... appauld yourself yourself for being confident and individual bout the whole thing ! ... (note fashion here does not imply does on personal opion, but for those with really bad colour sense and dress sense) ... just be yourself and be fiesty bou it, its not going hurt you , in fact it just tell those around you to lay off your turff, get control of your life and the first way is by the your fashion sense!

I'm going to SADAM in 2008. i still do want to do academic subjects that would lead me to obtaining a well paying JOB. but designa, photography and flim have been my passion and desire, i kno i want to cetae movies thatw ould inspire, speak and communicate with the audiance and environment, and pictures that would speak hope and reality into people! i want to be invited to cains nt once but as many times as possible! and i want to have exhibitions that would showcase my works. i'm going to let PASSION work me over! and i will no longer let a perception or attitude toward me question who i really am !

walk in your music! create it note by note! dint bring mozart, jamie cullum or cher in .. they would probably forsake you!
make your own rules

till tml !

times likes these

2006-08-01T07:24:00.000-07:00

SOAP operas!! they come in different languages, in different channels, in different eras and in different time slots!!! unknown to many they have taken over the tele watching republic, these shows may seem harmless, but looks ( my friends) looks can be mis leading! they are part of a diabloical masterplan by the older generation to screw out sponge like minds and change the MTV generation to intellectual symposia. leading names in the indian SOAP are shows like" happiness" "the wedding knot" and "peace". think about it. day time tele has it fair share of diabolical pain, shows such as " dynasty", "general hospital" and the all too common" days of our lives" serve to remind us the lee family is alive and kicking!!!! there is no escape my breathren, we are cornered, hold on to what is dear to you... i will !!! join me!!! just call me at 999 and i'd be there!!! i know your pain, and we can fight this war against terror together, JISOAPHAD! JISOAPHAD!

today, i had the longest msn conversation with a friend whom i guess i had my reservations about. well i believe its a start to a good relationship that would be flourish for years to come. i do miss my buddy jock and joel, their constant companion ship during the A's really mad me want to work the extra mile,and not forgeting my " ever so LOVING" church mates who were the pillars of strenght during my journey this year and the duirng my A's. this week michelle was offically matriculated into NUS, i wish i could be too! as in be in uni too, just that its on pause for two years! looks like i have to wait. WAITING seems to be common team among the human race, we all haveto wait for something or someone or time for things to happen, it seems as if a divine ordinance has been to put forth- that through wiating we actually bond! hmm, if that were only true!

i'm going for rugby tmL, i finally get to play the game of my dreams after like a 6 year wait. it has always been my greatest ream to go for the rugby world cups and play for a club. and tml i go one step closer. after that faith ful ride home with kasster after queensway, i have gained more direction in my life and i'm working toward it! next stop! french ! yes, i am going to take the leap of faith into the world of cheese, fashion, cluture, ungroomed women and yes history! mercie kasstr for reviving the dying spirit within me!

till tml

on remembering on reflecting

2006-07-31T06:01:00.000-07:00

does it come as a suprise to many of us that when we graduate from a school we inevitably form a bond with that place and its people, a bond that never was there when we personally experienced and resided in that place. could it be that our mantras of escape during exams and our odes to lectures were merely our denial of our inward longing for the simplicity of life to be everlasting, our flirtations with adult fantacies and aspiration-was in fact our attempts at escape from oursleves?

i miss Millennia Institute.

the times i sepnt in class debating with mr lee over history, the fun my gang had with mr pillai and my year three economics teacher- made us fall in love with econs and realise the relevance it had in our lives. or wat about the times of endless backstabbing and dog eat dog situations in 03A2 played out like "days of our lives". the times i had in drama, the fights i had with mr fung, the squabbles with jun, and the loved we shared as a company. the lunches with mr toh, the intellectual repetiores with mr lim, and the motherly dicipline from mdm sham, or the endless enslaught of insults and sarcasim that were hurled at command by mdm Zah aimed at my forehead. or lastly the best buds i made in MI, Michelle, rasul ( my BITCH), andrew and joanne. the silent evenings at teh lecture theather courtyard, that filled with evening air, and my studying. or the freezing nebulus of the library. or the constant care and love the teachers had for us ( their students) ? What do i remember, what can i not miss? i look back now, some of us in National service, soon undergrads. others just walking into the great unknown as undergrads. we understnd now, why the times we spent were so dear. it was beacause we spent it with the right people in the right place and at the right time. millennia was a transition from child to adult (for many at least). its time to move on and not miss the past longing to go back into the past, what has happened has happened in its due season. what is and what will be will happen accordingly and with or determination. i press on then, with sweet memories and everlasting friendships and fondness for millennia.

i move on.

hello welcome.

2006-07-30T07:06:00.000-07:00

Before i START my official blog let me first extend my heartiest welcome to all who come here. you are probably one of the closest person in my life, and thus you have gained enough trust to know about this avenue where i bleed my heart out.

it was only after 3 months of Basic Police Trainning that my life took a turn for a change, my life at tracom these past months were in many ways more than other an acquired taste of another dish in the story of my life. i got to know people like Kasster Soh ( HCI), Chung Yong Kai (HCI), Jeremy ( JJC), Jit Sin( JJC), Terence Toh (AJC), Richard Yeo ( SRJC), Khai ( coolest guy) and Johnnathan (NYJC). these people individually have change and impacted my life in ways in which many has yet to do so , they make me want to be a better person. it is friends like them, that challenge every pride you have to humble you so much so that it makes you want to reflect and change the way you live your life, they wake you up from delusionment. Khai for example, he was one character i thought i would not associate myself with, but i realise i became inspired and challenge by the levl of paitence , his ability to laugh at himself, his creativity and sincerity he geniuenly has for people.

besides BTC, my life in church has also taken a turn for change. i realised i slacked so much during these past months that iwas trailing behind not knowing where and what i was doing. well i guess, it is natural that when we lose touch with the ones we love, we lose touch with our dreams. because more often than not our dreams are inspired with love aound you. after yesterdays' service i realised that i had to run back to my forst love, the first i had, the radical dreams i dreamt, the purpose i had. i had to get them back, no force or person is going to stop me from getting there. there comes a point in everyones' life, when you get an epiphany of teh situation you are in. the keros time is now! i would probably a fool to lay back now and watch the dream i had crush in front in me. many say religion is not important, but when it is not religion you experience but a relationship you nurture that builts you, you realise you are insperable from this love you have. LIKE DAVID.like daivd . like LUTHER .

the reason?

simple, i felt that writing a blog would let me have an avenue to express and talk less in real time. and i want to better my writing.

tonight
tonight i will pray. i will pray that the friends i have will remain, i pray that i would be finally be of some worth to my family. i will pray that i fall in love with God. i will pray that i will be understood and not be percieved. i pray that i will live the next day. i pray that i would love and forgive .

till tml then ...